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| Source: Google Images |
Well, Google + is out. Boring as it seems at the moment, if this catches on, it is going to be very difficult to stalk people on the Internet. (Don’t act like this isn’t your main concern.) Good luck getting into the circle where your object of interest puts all their juicy photos. No, the potential crush you’re stalking will most likely add you to the ‘acquaintances’ circle because they PROBABLY don’t know who you are.
Having spent a lot of quiet reflection on this issue (so many of my close friends are stalkers, this will devastate them), it crossed my mind that maybe social media like Facebook and Google + (and MySpace? Or, I’m sorry My_____ now, right? Cause a name change is what they need) are hindering rather than helping our relationships.
So, Talk or Stalk?
Perhaps the world ran better the old-fashioned way, when people met in person, agonized over the first phone call, asked each other questions about their histories and were delighted to find they had things in common. As opposed to the mode of the day, when people meet in bars or online, send out first texts like candy, scour the Internet for information about the other person and are not surprised to learn they both like Zac Brown Band, because they both liked that page on Facebook. (I mean, this isn’t surprising anyway, they’re genius! And it’s okay if you know that about me, as long as you read my blog.)
Don’t anyone act like you haven’t had that conversation. You know the one. Them: “Oh yeah, my ex and I went to his concert right before we broke up in November.” You: “Oh, so it was pretty recent huh?” Even though you can pinpoint the exact time it happened via their mobile uploads, you know what they were wearing and you know what seats they had. Probably you witnessed the breakup on newsfeed and have been waiting a decent amount of time for them to be ready to date. Seems just a tad inhumane, n’est-ce pas?
Yes, it is creepy to be so aware of all the inner goings-on of an acquaintance’s life. In this respect, it would seem Google + has it right with the circles.
Of course, there’s the other side of the coin. There will always be that scumbag who decides to try to date while he is in a relationship (a closed relationship—I can’t believe I have to clarify, thanks a lot Facebook for that extra ‘open relationship’ option), and in these instances a good stalking could save you worlds of hurt.
The fact that we’re even trying to date that scumbag in the first place, though, could be because of the Internet. Maybe our douche-o-meter has been silenced because we’ve had too much help and don’t have to do it on our own anymore—just like in the case of our short-term memory and intelligence. We figure, hey, we can meet guys in bars and then we’ll weed out the bad ones later on Facebook or according to what we glean from their texts. When you don’t actually have to put any time or effort into dating someone standards drop to record lows.
SIDEBAR: Does everyone use the word douche or is it just me? Recently I’ve only heard it used in certain contexts, and some people have been offended by it, but I thought it was pretty widespread. I mean, yeah, duh, the origin is gross, but that’s irrelevant. On a recent trip to Phoenix, the bellhop WHISPERED to me that there were douches at this bar in Scottsdale I asked him about, like I would be offended by the fact that he said douche. I would be surprised if someone DIDN’T say douche while I was in Arizona. Scottsdale is their capital! Well, now that I’ve officially used douche about 87 times I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
What can we make of all these pros and cons? Since the world seems to be pulling away from human contact at a shockingly accelerated rate, I vote talking every time. Besides, remember that movie Catfish? You have absolutely no idea who is actually behind that person’s profile. And even if it is them, they’ve probably hand-selected the only two pictures that make them look attractive (i.e. sunglasses and a hat, or the subtle my-more-attractive-friend-is-in-the-center-of-the-picture-so-I-hope-you-think-they’re-me gag). Actually, go for the stalk. I personally can’t wait until you see that person sober!
