Unspoken Rules

The skort, aka the mullet of the garment world. Also, hilariously, this picture is from that company that created our textbooks. That says enough in itself.   Source: Google Images

An important part of a young adult’s education is the education that is not mentioned. This is what you learn when you show up to a party on time, when you show interest in a friend’s ex-boyfriend, or when you wear a skort. These are things you don’t learn when you are homeschooled, or just antisocial in general. If you haven’t caught on by the time you’ve reached your twenties—or if you have no idea what I’m talking about right now and think skorts are a great way to be feminine and yet, active—there is some bumpy road ahead of you, my friend. (Let’s be clear, though—we’re not friends. I have a reputation to maintain.)

Just for funsies though, let’s take a look: is it possible to avoid the unspoken rules and maintain a normal life?

Location, location, location. In my experience, Southern California preteens—and teens, and the hipsters living on their own in L.A., especially—are ruthless. Judging from Gossip Girl, New York City kids have the same attitude. (What? It’s a more credible source than Wikipedia.) I’m not sure I personally would survive the embarrassment of my arch-nemesis dumping yogurt on my uniform in front of the entire school. Also, I can’t remember if that is an actual plot line or if I just made it up. CW, I want the credit if I invented that! Anyway, somehow I think the kids in Kansas aren’t draining the brake fluid from each other’s cars. Yep, that’s real.

As far as dating goes, everyone knows we abide by rules.* The dating game isn’t fun, but everyone plays.** Have you never waited to text someone back until it had been as long or longer than the time it took them to reply to you? Have you not fiddled around on Words With Friends, even though every game open said ‘Their Move,’ contemplating whether you should start one with the computer, just so you wouldn’t text back on a time that ended with an increment of 5? (E.g., 5:30=desperate; 5:32=cool and casual.) And the three-day rule is standard procedure, of course. Who possibly has time within the next two days to make a phone call?! That’s ludicrous.

But. Yes, there is a significant but. (Jennifer Lopez might make it into this blog yet. Is that good enough, Jenny?! Stop hounding me, I mentioned you. Gosh, she’s so desperate since she got on American Idol.) A good friend of mine started dating a guy from out of state not too long ago, and I was astonished to hear the rules were tossed out the window like Will Ferrell’s discarded burrito in Anchorman. (Shout out, M&M. Haha.) Texting galore, complete openness, consecutive hangouts! Consecutive hangouts! You can ask her, my mind was blown. In what kind of world do we allow these things to happen?!

Don’t worry, though, the rest of us can go back to our corner bar and flirt with the same guy/girl we’ve been flirting with for the past two months just so it can end in another two. But only if they approach us first. And only if we’ve had a drink. And we are not going to respond to their text if we see them talking to someone else before us. (Okay, probably.) So breathe a sigh of relief, guys. The world is still in order.

*Disclaimer: see homeschooled/antisocial note above.

**Again.