Naughty or Nice

Source: Google Images

Well, Murphy’s Law was in full force this weekend. Actually, let’s throw timing into the mix; Finagle’s law is more appropriate. (For those who don’t realize that the most powerful search engine ever created by man—the dictionary, duh—is at their fingertips, Finagle’s law is ‘anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment’.)

Apparently there is no specific unwritten law of dating to describe this state of affairs, so I’m creating one: All of the losers who neglected you in the past will suddenly find you irresistible when, and only when, you start dating someone new (Douches’ Law?). That’s right, as soon as Rapunzel finds a prince willing to scale a tower via her hair, her past suitors will surely be waiting in the wings with heavy artillery for a chance to disrupt his pursuit (only to decide that the tower is REALLY high, they can’t climb hair, they made a mistake, etc., when they succeed).

There is no scientific explanation for how people from your past are able to sense your happiness and promptly interrupt it, unfortunately. So Rapunzel is left on her own to choose between passionate (be it unreliable), once-unrequited feelings and possible (likely) requitement from the ‘good guy’.

It’s the ever-present question on Santa’s mind: naughty or nice?

Funny, on paper this seems like a non-issue. Of course, if you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy or even spoken to a girl you should know it is THE issue. Everyone at this age secretly wants a love affair that is passionate, rife with drama, scandal, lust and mistrust. They want fireworks (ahh Fourth of July reference!) They will swear they are ‘sick of the losers’ and ‘ready to settle down’, but as soon as someone starts opening up car doors and calling when they say they will, generally forgoing any of that pesky mystery, they will yearn for their past ‘lovers’.

Allow me to quote Taylor Swift (please, just one I swear!) “I miss screaming and crying and kissing in the rain, it’s 2 a.m. and I’m cursing your name, so in love that I acted insane, and that’s the way I loved you.” 

Now, I realize Tay-Tay is no expert on love (she’s definitely headed toward Aniston-ville), but she is a girl of my demographic and this is the way we think. Girls are crazy. Let’s just admit it. We are. Given the choice between a sure bet and a toss-up, it’s sorry, Charlie. Sorry, Charlie, but Chris has a motorcycle and a hotter name, and I’m really just not ready for a boyfriend right now (ahem, BS).

Actually, I think only girls in movies care about motorcycles. They’re very dangerous.

Anyway, the only sort of closure I have gleaned from this issue are my friends’ proclamations that with the ‘right’ guy, all the passion will be there with a negligible amount of the sorrow. And, if you’re lucky, they’ll open a few doors for you too. Isn’t this the fairy tale ending everyone loves to be constantly reminded of?  Yep, it’s the old ‘someday’ cop-out. Someday, your prince will come. Someday, you’ll stop eating frozen meals on the couch by yourself. Someday, you’ll pour two glasses of wine (and only drink one!). Someday, you will actually be able to ignore the messages from your own past suitors instead of allowing them to consume your life. Ah, someday.

Until then, girls will be girls. Raving mad.