In Limbo

Source: Google Images

Limbo used to be a fun party game. Remember how those people would lower the bar, and you would bend your back to the point of breaking trying to complete the ridiculous task of shimmying under it while Chubby Checker sang?

Well, limbo is not fun in life. We’re talking a state of limbo, as in waiting to find out who will be laid off as your company loses business, anticipating a phone call from the doctor about your lab results, that awkward moment when you and your roommate realize you each have your eye on the last Oreo, or when you’re talking (we all know talking doesn’t just mean shooting the breeze by now, right? If that’s even a phrase) to a guy/girl that you just cannot figure out.

This limbo means they seem interested, but not too much so; they make comments, but they are vague; they address a time in the future when you will be hanging out (for the first time, again, etc..) but don’t set a date and time; and they usually do not let the conversation die. (Text, phone, Facebook, or Twitter conversation obvi…in person, you say? Do people even still do that? Also, don’t get the feeling from these jokes that I’m some sort of technology-obsessed Drew Barrymore from He’s Just Not That Into You. Yeah, I’ve referenced it twice. I’m aware.) 

So is this limbo worth the vague promise of success?

Maybe if Chubby C provided the soundtrack. Kidding! Really, though, can you imagine if “Limbo Rock” played every time you waited for someone to text you back? The world would be a frightening place. Let’s take a look at two COMPLETELY MADE-UP scenarios. (A winky face may have been appropriate here, but I am opposed to any and all emoticons. E-no-ticons, amirite??).  

1. Friendly Neighborhood Bartender (no, he does not work at Applebee’s, gross) and Bar Hound began an intermittent series of bar-style meet and greets about one year ago. (Oh, the euphemisms for hooking up I’ve used in this blog!)  Finally Bartender questions why they’ve never dated. Hound dog agrees, and in typical girl fashion, has him on the brain all next week. She decides to contact Bartender, but her casual texts are fielded; he’s vague and indirect.
2. A young Christopher Walken (don’t ask) and Wilhelmina (short for Will Ferrell, of course) dated for about three months. After a time, Walken admitted he liked cowbell. In fact, he needed it. (Okay, and Wilhelmina, he added begrudgingly.) Shortly thereafter, they stopped talking, mainly on his end. Wilhelmina, being a strong modern woman, rallied and banished him to the furthest reaches of hell (in her mind). But what’s this? Fresh-faced C-Walk (has that nickname NEVER been used before?) comes crawling back with a lukewarm apology and begins to text her again, fairly consistently, with vague undelivered promises of a rendezvous.

Let’s take a quick look at the limbo rules. As you keep “winning” (NOT this), the bar goes lower and lower. Sounds a lot like what’s happening when we continue to lower the bar for those we choose to date. It’s oddly similar to the children’s game, except now your mom can’t cheat for you and secretly hold the bar higher.

These scenarios? Let me give you a hint. They won’t end well. Bar Hound and Wilhelmina clearly have feelings for their respective suitors, but if they were returned, they would be returned. Texts would be answered promptly, and hangouts would be suggested and EVEN followed up on. I remember this campaign from the fifth grade, “Just Say No”. I’m pretty sure it was about this.

So take a hint from Zac Brown Band. They probably want to see you again, but they’re stuck in colder weather. As in, there will always be an excuse. Ladies, he’s a ramblin’ man, and he ain’t ever gonna change.