Reachers and Settlers

Yep, this is happening. Source: Google Images

With the royal wedding fast approaching, many have hierarchy on the brain. Princes and princesses, queens and kings, reachers and settlers.

Reachers and settlers, you say? What does this mean? Well, take Kate and William. Sure, everyone is so interested in their upcoming nuptials, but let’s get to the good stuff. Who has the upper hand in the relationship—i.e., who is the settler? Katie is a good-looking broad (go ahead, chastise me for calling the future princess a broad, but I saw some racy photos on Google Images, just saying), though some (me) would argue she can be plain. Willie is also attractive for a royal, but that bald patch is very real. This might have been a toss-up, but really it’s easy. Perhaps the easiest. William is a PRINCE. He wins. Kate is the reacher.

Now that the words have been defined via British royalty (this blog is international, wow), they must be translated to the likes of the commoners. The question(s) of the hour: Is there a reacher and settler in every dating relationship, and how are they determined?

Take a look at the dating stats, those unspoken rules by which every couple—nay, every pair that dares show their faces together in public—is judged. Looks. Personality. Wealth. Career. Power. The first four categories typically determine the fourth, but external factors can tip the power scale. Hate to beat a dead horse, but JENNIFER. ANISTON. Somehow (multiple breakups, no upper hand, can’t keep a man, this) a beautiful, talented, wealthy, easygoing sun goddess has automatically become the reacher in every dating relationship. Nobody wants to be the Maniston.

So, yes, despite the exceptions (if He’s Just Not That Into You had anything to teach, it’s that there are exceptions. Right? Or was it that there are no exceptions? It was a very mixed message) there are some basic guidelines for establishing the reacher and settler positions.

Real life relationships are on much more level ground, so looks and personality tend to be most important here. Power is established by confidence and beauty, where confidence > beauty. For example, a friend dated a guy she admitted herself was not attractive. However, he established firm casual guidelines for the relationship and pushed her away on several occasions, and when she stayed (sigh, girls always do) she became the reacher.

A married friend, let’s call her “Hubby” (for an apparent lack of anything else to call someone who has become married), is on a fairly equal basis with her husband looks-wise. However, she without a doubt wears the pants in the relationship. Hubs calls the shots and he submits to her. Yes. And so another eagerly accepts the reacher position.

These particular examples suggest that there must be a reacher and settler for a relationship to have any kind of success. Even if the couples are of the same degree of hotness (or notness?), one party typically gives up power in order for the relationship to be effective, thereby establishing their positions. Two settler types would butt heads, and two reachers…well, that’s just sad.

So the next time a couple passes by and the judgment flows as everyone knows it will, play a little reacher/settler bingo. Or (hate to bring this up), next time that special someone takes extra long to text back or writes off that lingering floral scent as their mother’s, don’t take it lying down (really, don’t, that sucks all remaining power from a reacher). With a little disinterest and a lot of self-control, a new settler can arise!